Pregnancy, puppies and piles?

June 14th, 2005 at 10:41 pm by james

Congratulations to Kerry and Gareth vH who are expecting their third li’l critter in September! Great to hear from you today Kerry. Kerry’s blog is at

Today has been arresting. No I didn’t get around to clearing the drains, painting the bathroom or re-arranging the nursery, but the day managed to fill up anyway. Oh bloody hell; our deaf neighbour’s just turned the telly on. For some reason she prefers watching without her hearing aid in. I’m sure I’ll understand if I reach 90, but whereas 15 seconds ago I was slouched comfortably in my own quiet corner of the living room, I now have Bill Oddy blaring in my left ear about “truly ferocious slugs”. I kid you not. Oh come on …
“They are, of course, particularly partial to hostas (cue pre-school, hoppy-type music no doubt while the ferocious slugs do their thing in time-lapse)”. If I had a decent recorder I’d post a sound-byte just so you’d know what I have to contend with. Come to think of it, if I do make it to 90 I’ll be able to sit in my own quiet corner of the room even if there’s someone else in the room using a hammer drill. There’s always an upside, just not always necessarily for you.

Sophie Mai was registered today at the St Albans registry office, which has moved and is in a beautiful building with huge cannon outside (no mere shotgun weddings here) and a sign saying “please do not throw confetti”. I’m sure with time they’ll extend it to include rice, petals and those little plastic champagne-bottle shaped canisters of bubbles that seem to be so popular but must really hurt. Josie and I told a very nice gentleman all about Sophie while Josie gave the loose bits on his desk a thorough inspection for nothing. Lucky man. At least he had the good sense to store all his books behind glass.

We had a long wait at the doctor’s, a little later on, in a room without any air and with facilities that had a hyperactive automatic deodoriser. I hate those things with a passion and this one had a particularly cheap and nasty scent, a bit like school urinals crossed with that very sweet perfume you sometimes have to stand near on the train that makes your sinuses hurt immediately. I locked the door from the outside with a 20p coin but Michelle made me open it again. I also tried opening a nearby external door to get some fresh air in, but we must have been on the wrong side of the building because there was a steady outward wash of tepid, disease-laden air. You could almost hear it moan. I closed the door in the interests of health and sanity.

There was a gentleman waiting when we arrived at the doctor’s, who was still waiting when we left. He stood the entire time, leaning heavily on a pair of crutches. There were seats available, for the avoidance of doubt, but he’d chosen to snuggle into a gap with a rather verdant ficus. I was impressed by his stamina at the time, but later in the car Michelle said she’d seen him there last week doing exactly the same thing. I suggested he might be one of those new installation artists one hears about. Michelle thinks it’s haemorrhoids. Aaargh. The man needs crutches. Shudder. Can ‘roids be terminal? Does he sleep in gravity boots? Not sure I’m going to sleep well tonight, and I’m certainly going to drink more water.

In other news Ben and Anna (heretofore unmentioned brother and sister-in-law) bought a dog and are looking for a name, and Josie has taken looking after Sophie to the next level, allowing her to suck her thumb until she can figure out how to suck her own. Pics in the gallery.

2 Responses to “Pregnancy, puppies and piles?”

  1. Kerry-b Says:

    Just such the sweetest pics. Man. “Sharin’ & carin'” Thanks for your “code” for linking… I’ll try that. I’ve done something similar on one of the boards I frequent, except I just cut & paste it from the help section. 🙂 You’re on my favourites list now, I just love reading your blog. And no, you haven’t changed. Phew. We loved your humour then, and we still do. Thanks for the smile. I just know that if someone looked in on my office while I’m reading your blog, they’d KNOW I wasn’t working. Even if I managed to alt-TAB in time, the smile wouldn’t be off in time.
    Oh, and “Ben & Anna” made me look twice. Is your “little” brother married. Shesh. And great “pair” of names, ask the Schonkens.
    Have a quiet (?) day

  2. james Says:

    Thanks Kerry. Very glad you’re enjoying it …

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